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eeither I’ve hardened or, like paint on a wall, Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen has mellowed out since he was last on our screens. Back in the old days, when he and Linda Barker mostly destroyed the nation’s living rooms and any semblance of peace in the suburbs, as everyone began to dread coming home to find their perfectly acceptable three-bedroom flat suddenly boarded up from the inside and outside with gold paint and plastic crystal chandeliers, I couldn’t find the off switch fast enough. The cuffs, the hair, the performance suffering of Handy Andy – it was hard to avoid completely in the early years of this century, but I did my best.
LLB hasn’t exactly gone since then, but he’s taken on small roles rather than central roles. You could, with a little care, let it fade from memory and – despite a brief return to the Locker Rooms, which involved building, oh Jesus, hair wall which I can still see when I close my eyes at night – are starting to heal.
Now he’s back, presenting Outrageous homes. The title and accompanying publicity make it sound more like late 90s, early 00s. Crazy decor! Eccentric owners! Extreme flavors! The spirit falters until you get about halfway through the first episode and realize it’s actually something completely different.
This is a mellow LLB – still a great charismatic presence, but content to let his natural wit and intelligence shine. As a result, he became a warm and quite effective interviewer. And homes and their owners are not (at least on the evidence of the opening episode) objects of mockery or amusement.
Some of the homes are pure self-expression, owned by exuberant people happy to live their best lives. Most emblematic of the mood is Billy, a retired IT assistant in Cheshire who inherited his childhood home when his parents died. “I woke up one morning,” he says, “and I thought, ‘I want a ranch in the wild west.’” About 500 pounds and many hits later, his dream came true. It looks great. Part film set, part Disney theme park, he plans to add a saloon, a water mill and—if funds and carpentry skills permit—a fort. He already has a moonshine production line. He samples the illegal goods. “That’s not good,” he says happily. “Not good at all.”
Then there’s the humble West Midlands terrace, almost entirely lined with lovely mosaics by the artist Caroline. “I will never stop!” – she says cheerfully, and why should I? A similar atmosphere is present in the transformation of the landlord Jack’s home in Atlantis. He has meticulously constructed 11 giant water tanks over the past 19 years, which now dominate the house from bedroom to basement. He has filled them with the marine life that has fascinated him since he was first taken to an aquarium as a child. The engineering involved seems to make him as happy as the fish, and very happy indeed.
The two main highlights, however, are a journey through the house built by the publisher, poet, performer and legendary bon vivant Felix Denis. It was designed as the party coaster to end all party coasters to reflect his love of pirates in general and Treasure Island specifically. There’s an indoor lagoon, real palm trees preserved in resin, indoor rigging, walkways and a crow’s nest, cannons and anchors in the garden, as well as a clamshell toilet throne and – although I don’t think Robert Louis Stevenson covered this – access to roof next to a hot air balloon launch pad. It was bought by Dawn and Derek, who don’t like parties. That just makes it all the more amazing. They really have extravagant taste in sofas and LLB compliments them on how well their furniture goes with the new house. Dawn politely thanks and we all leave. Love it.
LLB can finally talk real design with Estelle, the owner of a terrace house in Manchester that is a flawless recreation of the 70s, combined with unmistakable confidence and style. She and LLB are kindred spirits and communicate about the colors, molded furniture and energy of an era with growing relish.
Outrageous Homes and the modern incarnation of LLB are together an absolute tonic. And there is no wall of hair in sight.
after the promotion of the newsletter
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